i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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