i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
