Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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