the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
