So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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