I CAN MOONWALK!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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