have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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