So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
