Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
