it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
