yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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