Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
