Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
