I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
And then he peed in my hair
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
