ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
