And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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