i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
