so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Randomize