I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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