so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
