So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
