My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
