"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
