Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
