She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
