The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
