You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
