clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
