whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
3pm strippers are depressing
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
