Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
you never un-have a 4some
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize