I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
