3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
