If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
