I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
