you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
