Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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