If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
