You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
