i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
