I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
