it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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