so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
