I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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