Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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