my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
