Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
