I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
