Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
