I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
