If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
