We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
