Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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