I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
