i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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