in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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