Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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