Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
My vagina just recognized that song.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
