It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
