ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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