there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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