been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
