woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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