Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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