Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
