In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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