He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
