Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize