What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're like the curious george of whores
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
