It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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