Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize