His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
