we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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